Crack open the bubbly! I’ve finally done it! I’m doing it!
Today, *deep breaths* I am leaping into the blogosphere – a place I’ve wanted to enter for so long, but have been too much of a scaredy cat to until now.
My heart is racing and my mind is scattered with what ifs swirling around in it. Who knew clicking the publish button could be so terrifying? Aarrgghh, here goes!
Get comfy, grab yourself a cuppa, and learn about me and what has driven me to take this leap.
My eyes blinked open in panic as I heard my daughter howl into the night. As the howls became more urgent, I pulled my head up from my dribble soaked pillow, scratched around in the dark for my glasses, banged my leg on the corner of the bed adding yet another bruise to my collection, and hobbled like an old lady in the direction of howling. ‘Don’t wake the baby, don’t wake the baby,’ I repeated over in my head. When I reached my daughter I was greeted with a very upset little girl with bed sheets soaked through. It was 4.12am and so started my day.
This day was filled with special moments with my two precious daughters. We giggled, blew bubbles and pretended to be dinosaurs. We painted, sang, jumped, danced and watched Dora. In between all of this, I attempted to do the washing, ironing and cook dinner.
This day was one of the good ones when I managed to get both girls to nap at the same time. Happy days. I raced to the DVD player and sat in front of the TV like a zombie watching Melrose Place. Not the new series mind you, the original, from like, 1992. Yep, it was cool then when I was a teenager, but now … not so much.
I felt that surely there was something better I could be doing in my ‘free time’. I was exhausted though, sluggish even, as if I was walking around in some sort of fog. Even though I am completely and totally in love with my two darling daughters and my devoted husband, I felt a little sad. I didn’t feel like me. This led me to wonder … How did I lose me? Where did I go? When I was playing with my daughters I felt like the Energizer bunny dancing and singing up a storm, but when they were asleep I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’d lost my zing. I felt uninspired, tired, cranky, lonely and basically blah! My husband would come home from work and I’d often be lifeless. Someone had zapped the fun out of me.
This day, while watching Melrose, I realised I wanted, I needed something for me. Something that was special. Something that could give me an escape and make me feel excited and alive again!
This day, I thought back to an article on mummy bloggers that a colleague at work had shown me almost a year ago now. When I had read it, I had an epiphany. This is what I must do, I told myself. I called my husband and my Dad with excitement and told them I was going to start a blog while on maternity leave (with my second child) and become a famous writer! My excitement waned over the months however as I struggled with my new role as mum of two under two-and-a-half.
This day though, with my second daughter five months old and me feeling like I had a slight handle on things, I decided that it was time. It was time for me to dive headfirst into the blogosphere and share my life with the world. I have always loved writing and I’m an open book. I love talking about myself and getting a laugh out of people, so blogging seems like a natural progression for me. Plus, it would allow me to continue to develop my writing and communication skills while on leave. It seemed like the something special I was looking for.
This day, after much thought, I told my husband that I needed a Notebook to commence my blogging career. I felt guilty spending the money, but my husband, bless him, understood how important this was for me and bought me one.
So here I am, sat at my sparkling new Notebook, cup of tea by my side, one daughter at daycare, the other in bed, me ready to share my life with the world.
What will I blog about? I’m still figuring that out and maybe you can help me figure it out too. Share my journey with me as a mum of two and help me remember to not lose sight of me.
This Notebook, this gift for me, is more important to me than words can describe. I have butterflies in my tummy. I feel excitement in the air. It’s my time to share.
It’s not all about me though! This blog is also my gift to you, my readers. To those of you who also feel they have lost their identity, I hope that this insight into my life will assure you that you are not alone. We can muddle through this journey of rediscovery together with lots of laughter, tears … and chocolate.