Dates gone wrong

“I thought the planes would be a little closer,” said Dave to me as we sat in my beat up old volkswagen about a kilometre away from the end of the Brisbane Airport runway.

It was Dave’s first attempt at taking me on a romantic night out. He had envisaged us canoodling underneath the stars on the bonnet of my car as we watched the planes take off and land. A cool breeze would be blowing, and it would be just us, the stars, and the roar of the planes. Romantic, right?

Wrong.

Instead we were parked a million miles away from the end of the runway in what seemed to be swamplands. It was hot and drizzly. We couldn’t even open the windows for fear of being eaten alive by mosquitoes or being asphyxiated by the smell of petrol from my blessed VW.

While Dave is known to be a bit of a Casanova wooing me with his beautiful poetry and sketches, there are a few times when he’s completely missed the mark.

So, this Valentine’s Day instead of getting all mushy, I thought I’d share some of the not-so-mushy tales. The ones that make us laugh until we cry and those which have shaped us as a couple.

Let me take you back to the early days when we first moved in together. In the shower one morning, for some unknown reason, Dave thought it would be fun to grab his can of shaving cream and spray it on me. Well, that cream came out of the can at such speed it ricocheted right off my nipple and straight into my eye. I blindly fell to my knees and screamed in agony as the foam expanded burning my eyeball. In a panic, Dave pulled me up and tilted my face up to the shower nozzle attempting to rinse my eye out. Instead of turning the tap to cold though, he turned it to hot and scalded the both of us. The rest is a blur. I think I remember falling backwards out of the shower and onto the bathroom floor, but the story has been told so many times over the years that could be an embellishment.

Next stop is London where Dave and I were taking a romantic stroll through a park to feed some jungle nuts to the squirrels. We were having fun watching them wildly scurry around when Dave decided to show off and coax the squirrels to bound right up to him and eat out of his hand. The next thing you know, an overzealous squirrel bites Dave’s finger instead of the nut and we spend the next few hours in Accident and Emergency until Dave is given a tetanus jab in his backside.

Then there was the time when I had planned a romantic outing to the German fairy tale castle, Neuschwanstein. When we were waiting for the bus to take us on the final leg of our journey up to the castle, Dave got chatting to a random old dude. As we all know, Dave loves a good chat with strangers and the next thing you know we are no longer waiting for our bus to take us to the castle of my dreams, we are having lunch at a restaurant (which had no vegetarian food, mind you) with the random old dude. Of course we missed our bus, which didn’t phase Dave and the random old dude who were halfway to getting drunk at this stage. Our new friend kindly arranged for a horse and carriage and the three of us had a romantic journey up to the castle together.

neuschwanstein

Guess who took this pic? πŸ™‚

Our attempts at romance may be a little hit and miss, but we have memories to last a lifetime.

This Valentine’s Day we will be spending the night reliving more of these memories and most likely making some more.

Now it’s your turn. Share one of your dates gone wrong.

Today, I’m linking up with Grace for Flog Yo Blog Friday and Zanni for Sunshine Sunday.

58 comments on Dates gone wrong

  1. Emily
    February 14, 2014 at 6:57 am (3 years ago)

    Haha, love it. (And I recognise that squirrel story!!) The stories you tell over the years become almost bigger and more important than the fluffy stuff. Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope there’s no shaving cream in the eye today. x

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 14, 2014 at 2:10 pm (3 years ago)

      Here’s hoping, Emily πŸ˜‰ Happy Valentine’s Day to you too xx

      Reply
  2. Bec | Mumma Tells
    February 14, 2014 at 7:29 am (3 years ago)

    Oh Renee, this is as hilarious as it is lovely! It’s the thought that counts? X

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 14, 2014 at 2:11 pm (3 years ago)

      That’s right! You have to give him credit for thinking out of the box πŸ™‚ x

      Reply
  3. Me
    February 14, 2014 at 8:02 am (3 years ago)

    LOL – you certainly have had some doozies !!!! I hope you have a great day today – and every day !!!
    Me

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 14, 2014 at 2:12 pm (3 years ago)

      I sure have!! Thanks for the Valentine’s wishes. Have a great day too πŸ™‚

      Reply
  4. Cybele @ BlahBlah
    February 14, 2014 at 8:58 am (3 years ago)

    Hilarious and gorgeous. I remember in the early days Gordon thought it’d be nice to run a bath with a bath bomb in it. He didn’t realise it was a glitter bath bomb. It covered us, our towels, EVERYTHING! The next day he had a big, fancy meeting and realised afterwards that his eyebrows and hair still shimmered…

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 14, 2014 at 2:14 pm (3 years ago)

      Omg! That is hilarious! I can just imagine it. Funniest story ever πŸ™‚ Thanks for dropping in!

      Reply
  5. Lydia C. Lee
    February 14, 2014 at 9:04 am (3 years ago)

    It’s the memories that last a lifetime that ARE romantic. The other stuff is usually manufactured and pretence.

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 14, 2014 at 2:15 pm (3 years ago)

      You are so right, Lydia!

      Reply
  6. Jaz @ Red Dolls
    February 14, 2014 at 11:43 am (3 years ago)

    Sometimes it pays to be friendly, does it get any more romantic than a horse drawn carriage (even if there was no vegetarian food and you were starving lol)?
    My hubby writes me beautiful love letters, I have a box of them. Dates, not so much…

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 14, 2014 at 2:16 pm (3 years ago)

      How lovely, Jaz! He sounds like a keeper πŸ™‚

      Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 14, 2014 at 2:16 pm (3 years ago)

      Thanks Sam πŸ™‚

      Reply
  7. Kate
    February 14, 2014 at 1:09 pm (3 years ago)

    That first story is hilarious – rom com worthy πŸ™‚ Hope you don’t add to these stories this year πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 14, 2014 at 2:17 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol. Me either, Kate πŸ™‚

      Reply
  8. Amanda @ Cooker and a Looker
    February 14, 2014 at 1:58 pm (3 years ago)

    The shaving cream? Hilarous!
    Mossies have invited themselves on quite a few of our dates. Nothing like slapping yourself silly to feel the love!
    Happy Valentines Day x

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 14, 2014 at 2:17 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol Amanda. Happy Valentines to you too! x

      Reply
  9. Lauren
    February 14, 2014 at 2:24 pm (3 years ago)

    What hilarious and beautiful memories – at least the best intentions were always there!
    Happy Valentines Day x

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 14, 2014 at 3:26 pm (3 years ago)

      That’s right, Lauren! Happy Valentine’s day to you too x

      Reply
  10. Bec @ The Plumbette
    February 14, 2014 at 3:14 pm (3 years ago)

    Laughing my head off. Especially at the shaving cream one. You must have perky nipples for the cream to bounce off them. πŸ˜‰

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 14, 2014 at 3:27 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol, Bec. *blushes* xx

      Reply
  11. Pinky Poinker
    February 14, 2014 at 4:57 pm (3 years ago)

    The funny dates are the best ones! I agree with Bec above, the shaving cream story was the funniest. Thanks for the laugh πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 14, 2014 at 7:25 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol. You’re welcome. Thanks for visiting! πŸ™‚

      Reply
  12. Toni
    February 14, 2014 at 5:35 pm (3 years ago)

    Oh you poor thing, have you ever showered with him again lol I wouldn’t!

    We haven’t really had proper dates, but we went away for a night to attend a friends engagement party in NSW. I was imagining a romantic night in a hotel, yea not. Because of work and the time difference we finally arrived there about 10pm NSW time and the RSL where the party was closed at 11. We missed all of the food at the party and only had one drink. Went to the beach after and all the boys got drunk and decided to build a massive bonfire then strip naked and try to jump over it. I couldn’t watch anymore so went back to our dingy motel and went to bed. I was woken a few hours later by the old lady who owned the motel yelling at them all for being drunk and naked lol. Not exactly romantic.

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 14, 2014 at 7:26 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol. It makes for a great story though, Toni! Thanks for sharing πŸ™‚

      Reply
  13. Andrea
    February 14, 2014 at 5:52 pm (3 years ago)

    I love you guys. I had to read this post 3 times, I’m still laughing…. xo

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 14, 2014 at 7:26 pm (3 years ago)

      Thanks darling heart! Happy Valentines Day xx

      Reply
  14. Zanni Louise
    February 14, 2014 at 7:15 pm (3 years ago)

    Gorgeous Renee! I have been looking forward to reading this all day and wasn’t disappointed πŸ˜‰ Maybe one of ours would have been the time we drove all over the eastern (?) suburbs of Melbourne trying to find the Dandenong Ranges (which I heard were nice), but were actually driving around Dandenong suburb. Ended up in a very inferior national park just as it was closing. Had greasy food for dinner. Win ;/

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 14, 2014 at 7:26 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol. Oh no! That is hilarious, Zanni!!

      Reply
  15. Caroline Raj
    February 14, 2014 at 8:48 pm (3 years ago)

    Oh you have given me a good giggle tonight!!! Love it. Dates gone wrong….when we got stuck in the rain for 2 hours getting a cab home in Copenhagen (doesn’t matter what city you are in a cab is always hard to find in the rain!) and when we were finally picked up we realised the bloody hotel was just around the corner….. my hubby was so wet that he had to wear my jeans the next day (as his pants hadn’t dried and only had one pair for our quick trip). He wasn’t such a fan of that!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 15, 2014 at 6:32 am (3 years ago)

      Lol!!! OMG how funny, Caroline! Misadventures like that really make a trip, although it doesn’t seem like it at the time. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  16. Kate
    February 15, 2014 at 8:02 am (3 years ago)

    Renee, I need to complete the picture. What colour was your VW? Well I started off feeling rather jealous. I went to Neuschwanstein… all alone… but then I read you missed the bus… no! Then, oh, horse and carriage… how can you beat that?!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 15, 2014 at 9:02 pm (3 years ago)

      It was a royal blue 1975 superbug, Kate. I LOVED it! πŸ™‚

      Reply
      • Kate
        February 16, 2014 at 8:23 am (3 years ago)

        Sounds gorgeous! I nearly got a bright yellow Mini, until the mechanic told my dad they were ‘evil’ – impossible to get parts, so I got stuck with a yellow Corallo with a black hoon stripe! Always envied those with a VW!

        Reply
        • mummywifeme
          mummywifeme
          February 16, 2014 at 2:26 pm (3 years ago)

          Sounds awesome, Kate! Definitely a car to remember! I used to love the minis too πŸ™‚

          Reply
  17. Lucy @ Bake Play Smile
    February 15, 2014 at 10:48 am (3 years ago)

    Haha I love these dates gone wrong!! We went to Harrod’s in London for lunch on our first day there… ended up with food poisoning and spent the next week sick (and a night in hospital), missed the start of a tour we were going on and had to catch up to everyone in Amsterdam a few days later lol! xxx

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 15, 2014 at 9:03 pm (3 years ago)

      OMG! That is horrible Lucy. What a bad start to your trip. Glad you were able to catch up with everyone eventually and in one of the most fun places, Amsterdam! x

      Reply
  18. Lara @ This Charming Mum
    February 15, 2014 at 8:09 pm (3 years ago)

    Oh I’m loving the squirrel story! We couldn’t get enough of squirrel’s when we lived over there and the locals were constantly referring to them as feral little pests. But they’re sooo cuuuute! Luckily we survived our trip unbitten. Great post πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 15, 2014 at 9:04 pm (3 years ago)

      Thanks Lara. Yes, we were told they were rats with fluffy tails. Gross, but so cute πŸ™‚

      Reply
  19. EssentiallyJess
    February 15, 2014 at 9:11 pm (3 years ago)

    Oh there are some classics there!
    Who doesn’t want to have a random old dude to share a romantic date with? πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 16, 2014 at 7:05 am (3 years ago)

      I know right, Jess?! Lol.

      Reply
  20. Carla from myyellowheart
    February 16, 2014 at 8:47 am (3 years ago)

    So funny Renne. I burst out laughing at every romantic moment. It’s definitely the effort that counts!!!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 16, 2014 at 2:27 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol. Glad I could give you a laugh πŸ™‚

      Reply
  21. Sonia Life Love Hiccups
    February 16, 2014 at 3:02 pm (3 years ago)

    Oh Renee what they may have lacked in romance they made up for in hilarity which is just as sexy in my opinion anyway! Now I’m off to hide that shaving cream so I never ever have to experience that for myself πŸ˜‰ xx

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 16, 2014 at 8:29 pm (3 years ago)

      Good plan, Sonia. I don’t wish that upon anyone! xx

      Reply
  22. Grace
    February 16, 2014 at 3:43 pm (3 years ago)

    Classic! Love the one about the shaving cream!
    Mr Surfer has come up with some hair brain ideas for dates but also for family day outs. Everyone’s in tears at the end of it…including me πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 16, 2014 at 8:30 pm (3 years ago)

      I hope that’s tears of laughter, Grace. Love our guys eh! x

      Reply
  23. Tegan
    February 16, 2014 at 6:01 pm (3 years ago)

    Haha oh dear you’ve had a few disasters!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 16, 2014 at 8:31 pm (3 years ago)

      Yep. Gotta love him though!

      Reply
  24. SarahD @SnippetsandSpirits
    February 16, 2014 at 11:04 pm (3 years ago)

    Oh My goodness hilarious Renee. Love it. He is a keeper though at least he tries!! . Thanks for the giggle. xx

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 17, 2014 at 12:56 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol. He sure does, Sarah x

      Reply
  25. Kathy
    February 17, 2014 at 1:45 pm (3 years ago)

    Hey Renee – this was a crack-up – sorry to be so slow in reading it. I think I wrote in a post about holiday experiences (ie the ones that go wrong, as they do) about us spending the first night of our honeymoon (well not the wedding night but the next one) holed up in an airport cafe on hard plastic chairs with half a dozen other people. Funny in hindsight I guess. And in the spirit of NOT being embarrassed lately, I must admit to a small spew in the garden bed of our hotel the morning after our wedding – compo of champagne and nerves and not exactly romantic.

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 17, 2014 at 8:01 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol. OMG! Sorry Kathy. Now you have ME laughing. Champagne and nerves can be a killer! Thanks for sharing πŸ™‚

      Reply
  26. Carolyn @ Champagne Cartel
    February 17, 2014 at 9:05 pm (3 years ago)

    Oh, that shower story is gold! I used to coax squirrels to run up my leg in London and eat out of my hand, then run back down again – never had a problem. Poor Dave!

    My first date with Husby, I walked into the bar where we were meeting for an after work drink, he ordered a bottle of champagne and asked me straight up what was the worst thing I had ever done to a boyfriend. The night then descended into us telling terrible stories about how we had mistreated past loves. And strangely we found each other incredibly alluring. πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 17, 2014 at 9:30 pm (3 years ago)

      That is a very interesting first date, Carolyn!
      I won’t tell Dave about your squirrel escapades. I don’t think he could handle it πŸ˜‰

      Reply
  27. Mark @ fullhalfglass.com
    February 23, 2014 at 1:28 pm (3 years ago)

    A fantastic yarn – and I feel your man’s pain. When your brain is divided between two distinct anatomical locations sometime the best laid plans go belly up. Still onwards McDuff to the next event worth of prose.

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      February 23, 2014 at 11:42 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol! Thanks for dropping in, Mark πŸ™‚

      Reply

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