“I thought the planes would be a little closer,” said Dave to me as we sat in my beat up old volkswagen about a kilometre away from the end of the Brisbane Airport runway.
It was Dave’s first attempt at taking me on a romantic night out. He had envisaged us canoodling underneath the stars on the bonnet of my car as we watched the planes take off and land. A cool breeze would be blowing, and it would be just us, the stars, and the roar of the planes. Romantic, right?
Instead we were parked a million miles away from the end of the runway in what seemed to be swamplands. It was hot and drizzly. We couldn’t even open the windows for fear of being eaten alive by mosquitoes or being asphyxiated by the smell of petrol from my blessed VW.
While Dave is known to be a bit of a Casanova wooing me with his beautiful poetry and sketches, there are a few times when he’s completely missed the mark.
So, this Valentine’s Day instead of getting all mushy, I thought I’d share some of the not-so-mushy tales. The ones that make us laugh until we cry and those which have shaped us as a couple.
Let me take you back to the early days when we first moved in together. In the shower one morning, for some unknown reason, Dave thought it would be fun to grab his can of shaving cream and spray it on me. Well, that cream came out of the can at such speed it ricocheted right off my nipple and straight into my eye. I blindly fell to my knees and screamed in agony as the foam expanded burning my eyeball. In a panic, Dave pulled me up and tilted my face up to the shower nozzle attempting to rinse my eye out. Instead of turning the tap to cold though, he turned it to hot and scalded the both of us. The rest is a blur. I think I remember falling backwards out of the shower and onto the bathroom floor, but the story has been told so many times over the years that could be an embellishment.
Next stop is London where Dave and I were taking a romantic stroll through a park to feed some jungle nuts to the squirrels. We were having fun watching them wildly scurry around when Dave decided to show off and coax the squirrels to bound right up to him and eat out of his hand. The next thing you know, an overzealous squirrel bites Dave’s finger instead of the nut and we spend the next few hours in Accident and Emergency until Dave is given a tetanus jab in his backside.
Then there was the time when I had planned a romantic outing to the German fairy tale castle, Neuschwanstein. When we were waiting for the bus to take us on the final leg of our journey up to the castle, Dave got chatting to a random old dude. As we all know, Dave loves a good chat with strangers and the next thing you know we are no longer waiting for our bus to take us to the castle of my dreams, we are having lunch at a restaurant (which had no vegetarian food, mind you) with the random old dude. Of course we missed our bus, which didn’t phase Dave and the random old dude who were halfway to getting drunk at this stage. Our new friend kindly arranged for a horse and carriage and the three of us had a romantic journey up to the castle together.
Our attempts at romance may be a little hit and miss, but we have memories to last a lifetime.
This Valentine’s Day we will be spending the night reliving more of these memories and most likely making some more.
Now it’s your turn. Share one of your dates gone wrong.