Diary of an emotional eater

As I gingerly stepped onto the scales, a voice that mimicked Bridget Jones popped into my head.

Weight: Four million kilos.

Chocolate units: Three Freddo Frogs stolen from the kids’ stash, one cold Milo, one hot Milo.

Alcohol units: Kids acting particularly whingey – half a bottle required.

I hopped off the scales and gritted my teeth. ‘Stupid bloody scales,’ I muttered to myself like a crazed woman.

I hopped back on ever so carefully lest a single inhalation of air add another gram. Surely I’d mistaken the original figure I’d seen. Alas, there was no error. Those stupid bloody scales blinked the same figure back at me chastising me for being over generous with my Milo portions.

*Screams internally and grabs another Freddo frog*

Ever since I was diagnosed with premature menopause last year and started HRT, my weight has gone up and up. My specialist warned me I may gain a few kilos from the treatment, so it’s not as though this weight gain has come out of the blue. While some people would heed the specialist’s warning and be more mindful of what they eat or exercise a little more to counteract the effects of the therapy, I went in the other direction.

I had myself a little pity party. A pity party with chocolate and cake and wine and chips and bagels. It was one hell of a party. It kicked off in August and it’s still raging now. I figured that if the odds were against me regarding my weight, I may as well enjoy myself. I will be fat and happy, so take that stupid HRT.

There’s only one problem with that logic. I’m not happy when I’m a little heavier. I’m not happy when my clothes feel tight, my bras don’t fit, and I stand with my arms covering my stomach in an attempt to hide the bulge.

This isn’t the first time in my life I’ve felt a little heavier than I am comfortable with. When I returned from living in the UK, I’d suffered from what they call the Heathrow injection. A few years of partying, pasties and pints had caught up on me and I was the biggest I’d ever been.

It wasn’t until Dave proposed to me that I decided I wanted to shed some weight and look my best for our wedding. We set the wedding just 10 months after he proposed, so I didn’t have a lot of time to muck around. I signed up for Tony Ferguson and exercised like the Energizer Bunny on speed. I woke before 5am every morning for a walk and played netball twice a week. That coupled with a diet of shakes and not much else saw my weight plummet.

I felt fit, healthy and strong and loved my slimmer body. I swore to myself that I would never get to my former weight again.

And here I was standing on those scales. I’d not only reached that weight, but I’d surpassed it.

*Cue another internal scream*

Now, I know a lot of you will be thinking, ‘… what is this skinny cow talking about? I’ve seen photos of her and she looks okay to me.’ I also suspect many of you will be thinking I should throw my scales out the window.

You’re probably right. The truth in the matter is however, that I’ve reached the point that no matter what the scales say, I’m no longer comfortable in my own skin. I don’t feel healthy. I’m sluggish and have a negative body image.

I know that my confidence and happiness will soar if I can shed the weight I’ve put on since commencing my treatment.

So, what am I going to do about it?

I’ve started exercising again. I’ve just started swimming two mornings a week and hope to return to Xtend Barre classes in the near future.

I’m also being mindful of what I’m eating. I’m an emotional eater and whenever I’m feeling blue or stressed, I eat. I eat, eat, eat and then eat some more. I’m reducing my portions and attempting to save sweet treats for special occasions … like last weekend when Coles had Baileys ice cream on sale. Ahem.

These are only small steps for now, but I believe they are steps in the right direction to reclaiming a body I feel comfortable in.

Are you an emotional eater? Do you own a set of scales? What do you do to ensure you remain fit and healthy? What crazy diets have you been on?

Linking up today with EssentiallyJess for IBOT.

48 comments on Diary of an emotional eater

  1. Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid
    April 19, 2016 at 6:22 am (1 year ago)

    Before i got ill, I lost 20kg and since my thyroidectomy I’ve eaten almost all of it back on. I’m an emotional eater in so far as, I eat all the things however I’m feeling! I totally hear what you’re saying and good on you for taking back control of your health and these small changes can make a big difference. Go you!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:22 am (1 year ago)

      Thanks Sam! Yes, I’m the same. I tend to eat like a horse when I’m happy too 🙂

      Reply
  2. Ingrid
    April 19, 2016 at 7:20 am (1 year ago)

    Unfortunately I can totally relate to this. I am an emotional eater too!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:23 am (1 year ago)

      I don’t know what is worse. Eating when you’re upset, or not eating!

      Reply
  3. Haidee
    April 19, 2016 at 7:28 am (1 year ago)

    Oh Renee, I feel ya! I had the Mirena put in last year and that has caused me to gain a few unwanted kilos too (to add to the few I’d already gained) and like you, I’m not comfortable in my skin anymore. Not having a kitchen for weeks and having to survive on takeaways didn’t help either! And now winter is approaching which is a terrible time for weight loss when I crave pasta and comfort foods! I have my kitchen back now though so I’m working on it. I’m walking 40 minutes per day and choosing better food options but since my dog died I’ve been drinking beer again which counteracts all that. Agh! It’s hard huh!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:24 am (1 year ago)

      Yep, it really is hard. It sounds like you’re doing really well though. The 40 mins a day will definitely make a difference and there’s nothing wrong with a beer here and there. Not having the kitchen must have been incredibly hard. I hope we can both get back on track soon 🙂

      Reply
  4. Amy @ HandbagMafia
    April 19, 2016 at 8:06 am (1 year ago)

    Definitely! I’m trying to be more mindful and have signed up for lite n easy (just breakfast and lunch) to kick start some weight loss. My trouble is that I used to do physically active work but for the last few years, I haven’t. I also had no license and walked everywhere but now I drive. I need to get moving!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:25 am (1 year ago)

      Yes, movement is the key. Good luck with the lite n easy. My mum does that and swears by it.

      Reply
  5. Alix @ thebuilderette
    April 19, 2016 at 9:03 am (1 year ago)

    Definitely relate – when I’m down I reach for food. And let all my exercise drop by the wayside. I’m definitely on the heavier side of things at the moment and need to kick myself up the arse and get on with it. Good luck on your journey!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:46 am (1 year ago)

      Thanks Alix. Good luck with yours too 🙂

      Reply
    • mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:47 am (1 year ago)

      Yes, I know of your past issues, Nat. You’re a strong woman xx

      Reply
  6. Vanessa
    April 19, 2016 at 10:07 am (1 year ago)

    I’m a boredom eater. I don’t do diets. I have been trying to increase my exercise this year but so far it has made me feel worse.

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:48 am (1 year ago)

      Oh no! That’s no good. Have you tried swimming? It’s fairly easy on the body. Good luck!

      Reply
  7. Cam @ Gen-Y Mum
    April 19, 2016 at 10:23 am (1 year ago)

    I use to obsess over the scales. It was the first thing I did in the morning and last night I did at night. It dictated how I would eat the rest of the day. 3 years ago I started adding weight lifting to my exercise and it totally changed my mindset. I wanted a stronger body but that wasn’t going to happen if I always chased after a number. That realisation was a complete release for me.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself Renee 🙂 you’re taking small steps in the right direction.

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:49 am (1 year ago)

      Hmm. Great advice, Cam. You’re right. I shouldn’t be chasing after a number. Great food for thought.

      Reply
  8. Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me
    April 19, 2016 at 12:11 pm (1 year ago)

    I know what you mean, I was the ‘fat sister’ when were in Vegas, and yes I know to others I may not look it but I FEEL IT! You’ll get back there, and so will I. Until then try not to be too hard on your self, your worth isn’t based on carrying a little chub. You are still you xxx

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:50 am (1 year ago)

      Thanks lovely. The same goes for you. We will get there!! xx

      Reply
  9. Nicole@ The Builders Wife
    April 19, 2016 at 12:32 pm (1 year ago)

    I think you just wrote about my own life, I hate when I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and yet at the moment I feel no motivation to change it. Quite the merry go round. I’m glad you are making some changes to help yourself feel better xx

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:50 am (1 year ago)

      It’s hard with winter coming on too! Good luck with changing things around for you xx

      Reply
  10. Bec Senyard
    April 19, 2016 at 12:34 pm (1 year ago)

    I’m not the heaviest I’ve ever been because when I was pregnant I tipped the scales into the triple figures. Having said that I do probably need to lose 20 kgs. But shakes don’t interest me and I love eating food that tastes sensational. I think it’s a mindset thing and I know that I will eventually lose the kgs but I’m not putting a timeline on it and I’m not going to restrict my diet heavily to do it. Accepting the body we have, no matter the weight or size is so important. You are doing great things with the exercise and I know it will be awesome for your body and mind. I haven’t noticed the weight gain on you at all. Be kind to yourself sweet. xxxx

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:52 am (1 year ago)

      Thanks lovely. I’m not putting a time on my weightloss either. I just know that I’m not happy and it needs to change. I’ll get there eventually and I know you will too x

      Reply
  11. Simone
    April 19, 2016 at 2:35 pm (1 year ago)

    It is almost human nature to eat emotionally…food is always around us and is part of all occasions (happy or sad). We stuff ourselves instead of feeling our emotions. You know what your big motivating factor is, so keep that in mind and start a little ata time. A Fitbit can be great for seeing how active you are each day (and whether you can justify a Freddo or not!) Also throw away those scales, pronto!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:53 am (1 year ago)

      Thanks darling. So full of wisdom. I don’t think I can throw away those scales yet, but a fitbit is a good idea. Thanks darling xx

      Reply
  12. Toni @ Finding Myself Young
    April 19, 2016 at 5:45 pm (1 year ago)

    I’m so not happy with my body now either. I’m still 10 kgs above my pre baby weight almost 3yrs after I gave birth. But then part of me keeps saying well you’re just going to get pregnant again so there’s no point exercising. Although perhaps I should start exercising then knowing my luck I will finally get pregnant {everything seems to happen in the wrong order for me lol}.

    Reply
      • mummywifeme
        April 20, 2016 at 6:56 am (1 year ago)

        Lol. It’s so much fun, Toni, and they play rocking good tunes. I think you can’t go wrong with a little exercise here and there x

        Reply
  13. Sam Stone
    April 19, 2016 at 5:52 pm (1 year ago)

    I had to start seeing a nutritionist so I could be accountable for my weight!!!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:57 am (1 year ago)

      I just read about that, Sam! Good on you!

      Reply
  14. Kathy
    April 19, 2016 at 6:00 pm (1 year ago)

    Wouldn’t it be great if we could ’emotionally exercise’ instead of eating. I guess there are people who fall into that trap too. Be kind to yourself Renee. X

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:26 am (1 year ago)

      Yes, I’m sure there are many who fall into that trap! Thanks Kathy x

      Reply
  15. Lisa
    April 19, 2016 at 6:21 pm (1 year ago)

    But, but…Bailey’s ice-cream tastes so good!! So do freddo frogs, milo’s and all those good things! I totally get what you mean. I am skinny on the inside, but the scales and photos tell me a different story. hehe good luck with the weight loss.

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:27 am (1 year ago)

      Lol. Sooooo many yummy things out there and so hard to not want to try them all. Sigh. 🙂

      Reply
  16. Jodi Gibson
    April 19, 2016 at 7:49 pm (1 year ago)

    As you said, the key is that you dont feel happy. Good on you for making the effort. You will be back to yourself in no time and may just have to be more mindful than normal.
    I’m more of an emotional non-eater! When im stressed i tend to lose my appetite. Which isnt as good as it sounds. Although the older i get the harder it is to keep the weight down too.

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:28 am (1 year ago)

      Yes, I’m finding the age thing an issue too. I can imagine it can’t be easy being an emotional non-eater. Argh. Life eh 😉

      Reply
  17. Ashleigh My Meow
    April 19, 2016 at 7:56 pm (1 year ago)

    Totally relate to this. I swing in roundabouts. I was SUPER skinny pre wedding too with Tony Ferguson. I don’t think it is sustainable though. Small changes one day at a time all make a difference. And a big healthy cook up on a Sunday for the week!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:28 am (1 year ago)

      Yes, I don’t think it’s sustainable either. A big healthy cook up on a Sunday sounds like a brill idea.

      Reply
  18. Vicki @ Knocked Up & Abroad
    April 19, 2016 at 8:06 pm (1 year ago)

    OMG. I am right here with you sister. I am totally an emotional eater. I just ate part of a chocolate easter bunny 2 minutes ago because the day has felt way too hard. That seems to be trend and now I cannot budge my baby weight and I am as heavy as I was when I was full term pregnant first time around. I am mortified. I have gotten to the point where I don’t feel myself and I actually feel embarassed a bit so I am slowly coming around to change. I am heating more healthy but I still eat HUGE meals which I started when I had a newborn to feed and I need to get moving more. Great to hear you’re swimming twice a week, what a great start! So ace you’ve got time off to sort this out for yourself. Stress and being busy are huge contributors to weight gain. You’ve got this xx

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:30 am (1 year ago)

      Thanks lovely and you’ll get there too when you’re ready. I’m exactly the same as you, as soon as things get stressful with the kids I’m heading toward the pantry. You’ll get there too xx

      Reply
  19. EssentiallyJess
    April 19, 2016 at 8:47 pm (1 year ago)

    I’m feeling the same Renee. I’m bigger than I’ve ever been (not pregnant), but not unhealthily so. However I feel like I’m about 3kgs heavier than I like. That 3kg would make all the difference I’m sure. I just need to actually commit to moving it.

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:30 am (1 year ago)

      Yes, sometimes it doesn’t take much weight loss to feel more like yourself. Good luck!

      Reply
  20. Robyna | The Mummy & The Minx
    April 19, 2016 at 9:19 pm (1 year ago)

    I must admit, I did start reading and think “but you are so perfectly sized!” But you do know in your own body what feels right and what doesn’t. I find I notice it before anyone else does.

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:31 am (1 year ago)

      Yes, me too. I notice it in my clothes and I just don’t feel comfortable 🙂

      Reply
  21. Deborah
    April 19, 2016 at 9:40 pm (1 year ago)

    I’ve yo-yoed a lot on the weight front and been pretty screwy in my eating since becoming anorexic in my teens (30+ years ago). I’m really overweight (well… obese) now and know I need to act on it.

    I’m going through menopause as well which – as you’d know better than anyone – is not even vaguely fun!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:32 am (1 year ago)

      No, it’s far from fun, that’s for sure. Weight is such an issue for so many people.

      Reply
  22. Rachel
    April 19, 2016 at 9:51 pm (1 year ago)

    Since I weaned my youngest a few months ago my weight just seems to creep up and up (and up). I’d been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for 5 years up until then, so needed a higher calorie intake. Now I’m still eating the same amount (plus extra wine!) but not burning it off. And now winter is on it’s way… *sigh*

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      April 20, 2016 at 6:33 am (1 year ago)

      Yep, I hear you. Once you’ve increased those portion sizes, it’s so so hard to cut them back down.

      Reply
  23. kit@lifethroughthehaze
    April 20, 2016 at 12:45 pm (1 year ago)

    Oh Renee

    Sending you big hugs. You are gorgeous yes however it is not about what we see it is about how you feel. I am not going to say throw out your scales, but perhaps give you a different way to think about them, this is just a little story of my experience. Take from it what you will, or ignore the entire thing. I can’t remember if you have boys or girls or both sorry.

    Years ago through a forum I am part of there was a real competition to try and loose weight. Quite a number were morbidly obese anyway, I’m not but we all formed a group on fb to support each other. My part of the story is that I weighed myself EVERY single day I got to the point where I was weighing myself before and after meals! Anyway, my twin daughters were about 4 I think at the time and the wake up call for me with the scales was when my girls wanted to copy me on the scales every day. Even though I was doing this with the bathroom door closed they must have known, kids have a funny way of just knowing. I was horrified that I managed to pass this onto my girls at such a tender age.

    Not long after this my scales stopped working a sign I thought! Since then my gauge is my clothes if they are too tight then I know I need to cut back on my comfort eating and increase my movement.

    It is such a difficult world we live in there are girls in the same class as mine who’s mother’s have them on very strict diets because they are going to be the next gymnast or dancer or whatever. I want my girls to be happy in their own skin.

    I hope this hasn’t come across the wrong way. Because honestly I do understand what it feels like to be uncomfortable in your own skin. Do what you need to do I will be here cheering you on! Remember you are more than a number on scale it can’t tell you how fit you are, it can’t measure the enjoyment you got from having a night out with hubby at a special restaurant, it can’t tell you how much sitting with your bestie eating cookie dough, ice cream and chocolate in times of crisis means to her, the number on is just one part of who you are. Remember we all love you just the way you are.

    Huge hugs
    Kit xoxo

    Reply

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