Hostess with the mostest

The night before Curly-locks’ third birthday party, I sat on the floor of my shower, put my head in my hands and cried as the water rained over me.

Fat tears rolled down my hot face. I was howling. There was dribble, maybe even a little snot. I’m sure I looked most attractive.

I had spent a long and full day preparing for Curly-locks’ party. I had battled with shortcut pastry and fondant and amputated the legs off a Snow White doll – tragic and a little gruesome. I had also vacuumed our two story house, mopped the floors, and cleaned three bathrooms. Come evening time, I was in a state of utter exhaustion, and yet, I was mad at myself for not being able to do more.

I had originally planned to make a fine selection of gourmet sandwiches for the party, mini leek quiches, a Snow White cake, and Evil Queen poison apple cupcakes.

Mum convinced me that there was no need to go to all this trouble. There were only 15 people coming to the party and all of them immediate family. Two weeks earlier, I had gone to a lot of trouble for Smiley’s baptism and there was no need to go all out again.

After much internal battle, I decided mum was right. I compromised with myself and decided to ditch the sambos and buy a couple of large quiches, but I’d still make the cake, cupcakes, and mini quiches.

Come the end of the day though, I regretted my decision. I felt like I had failed. All of these people would be coming over with amazing presents and all I’m giving them in return is quiche from The Cheesecake Shop!

I dragged myself out of the shower, drank two huge glasses of wine, ate a whole pizza, and put myself to bed.

The next morning I woke up in a much better mood. Everything was done for the party. All I had to do was get myself and the kids dressed and wait for the guests to arrive. There was no need to run around putting sandwiches together at the last minute. I just needed to flick the oven on to 160 degrees and pop those babies in for 20 minutes. Easy as.

And you know what? Curly-locks’ party was the only function we have ever had at our house where I really enjoyed myself. I wasn’t running around like an idiot. I felt chilled (more wine helped with this) and had fun.

A week ago, I wrote about making time to enjoy the simple things in life. This was all very well and good in theory, but I have been quick to realise it is not that easy for me to all of a sudden put the brakes on when I have been running around at Energizer bunny levels for as long as I can remember.

It is really going to be a case of practice makes perfect for me. I can’t expect to instantly transform into this super cool, chilled out person that doesn’t care if the house is a mess and the kids are late to bed.

I must admit I have found it quite difficult to loosen my grip on control, accept help from others, and not be so bloody hard on myself.

I have to constantly remind myself that I don’t need to be perfect all the time. I do not have to be the hostess with the mostest.

Sure, if I didn’t have a demanding three-year-old and a nine month old baby, I may be able to do a little more, but at the moment I need to, as I said last week, be wary of my limits and simplify.

The main thing is that I want to change and will. It is just going to take me a little time.

Are you hard on yourself too? Do you try to be the hostess with the mostest at your parties?

34 comments on Hostess with the mostest

  1. Jodie@FreshHomeCook
    July 23, 2013 at 6:09 am (4 years ago)

    Oh Renee! You could have been writing this about me – it all sounds so familiar! I work myself into a frenzy trying to get everything ‘just right’ & then stress about what I haven’t done – even while people are complimenting me on what I have done! It is hard to let go & relax – I am still on that journey also! Sounds like Curly Locks had an incredible party & you should be proud of what you achieved – especially with two little ones to manage as well! πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 23, 2013 at 10:33 am (4 years ago)

      Thanks Jodie πŸ™‚ I’m glad I’m not alone in feeling this way. I was actually a little scared of pressing publish on this one. I wasn’t sure if people would relate or if they’d think I was just a nut job πŸ˜‰ We will have to keep tabs on each other, Jodie, and make sure each of us is not getting too carried away with it all!

      Reply
  2. Deb @ home life simplified
    July 23, 2013 at 6:52 am (4 years ago)

    So glad you let go enough to enjoy the party. This is a worthwhile journey as I have been on it for a while. People don’t want perfect, they want our company, us to be relaxed, etc. xx

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 23, 2013 at 10:34 am (4 years ago)

      That is so true, Deb. I’m glad you’re finding your journey so worthwhile and have made progress πŸ™‚

      Reply
  3. Clare
    July 23, 2013 at 6:56 am (4 years ago)

    Love this so much – not the bit about you crying of course but the fact that there is someone else on the other side of the world living the same life as me!!! It’s preparation for my nearly 2 year olds birthday party this week. Already my head is full of how on earth I’m going to make the cake and other tasty treats, on top of a busy couple of days at work, my hubby out every evening as he is performiwg in a play and my big girl’s last week in nursery EVER!! I think it’s going to be emotional!!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 23, 2013 at 10:36 am (4 years ago)

      Ahhh Clare! That is full on!! I know it’s so hard to do, but try not to be too hard on yourself. Accept help from your mum like I did and anyone else who is offering. Also, a good cry and a bit of wine can work wonders xxx

      Reply
  4. Lydia C. Lee
    July 23, 2013 at 7:20 am (4 years ago)

    I know my limitations, so a lot of things are store bought so I can relax….and they taste better (and look better) than if I’d made them – but I also try to keep numbers down to what I can manage…glad you enjoyed the party, cos that’s what parties are for!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 23, 2013 at 10:36 am (4 years ago)

      Keeping numbers down is a great idea, Lydia. Have you always been aware of your limitations, or has this been a work in progress for you?

      Reply
  5. Caitlin
    July 23, 2013 at 8:48 am (4 years ago)

    Yup, yup, yup. I can identify with this! Last week was birthday week at our place, and on Saturday at the party I was lamenting the lack of home made goodies and how rushed everything felt. But, at the end of the day it was a party enjoyed by the kids. It still had challenges, mainly relating to the behaviour of the birthday boy, which is why I was crying in the shower after the event. But you know what, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep on mothering. Because the stakes are high, and a birthday party is only a small space in their childhood, there’s so much that needs to be taught and enjoyed in between parties!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 23, 2013 at 10:42 am (4 years ago)

      Beautifully said, Caitlin. Good to hear I wasn’t the only one crying over a birthday party :/ Sending hugs your way. Let’s hope we can be easier on ourselves for the next one πŸ™‚

      Reply
  6. Kylez @ A Study in Contradictions
    July 23, 2013 at 9:27 am (4 years ago)

    It’s weird how we put so much pressure on ourselves to be the best at whatever it Is we are doing, especially when it comes to parties. I definitely put too much pressure on myself and its hard to let go and give yourself a break. This week I’ve vowed to just take it easy and not stress about how clean the house is or how perfect everything is or isn’t fr this baby. She’s not gonna care about the house but she will care if she is born to a tired, stressed mother!

    #teamIBOT was here!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 23, 2013 at 10:43 am (4 years ago)

      So true, Kylie. You make sure you put your feet up as much as Punky will let you and enjoy your last few days of being a mummy of one πŸ™‚

      Reply
  7. Eleise
    July 23, 2013 at 10:53 am (4 years ago)

    I too want the perfect party, pinterest doesn’t help, but I have also realised that it idn’t worth the stress. This year Miss 4 wanted the whole preschool at her party – no problems, the party is at preschool!! Win Win! I enjoy relaxed parties much more!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 23, 2013 at 1:15 pm (4 years ago)

      Lol. Well that worked well! Lucky you. Thanks for dropping in!

      Reply
  8. JodiGibson (@JFGibsonWriter)
    July 23, 2013 at 12:40 pm (4 years ago)

    Renee as a reformed perfectionist (still in training) I totally get this. I look at those Mums on pinterest throwing the most gorgeous parties with home made decorations, home made sweets, gourmet food and think how perfect they must be and how imperfect I am. But you know what? It’s just we are different and that’s what I need to be okay with. I still need to force myself to remember simple is best. Simple gives me time to enjoy all the little moments, and it’s those I don’t want to miss.

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 23, 2013 at 1:22 pm (4 years ago)

      That’s right, Jodie. I don’t want to miss out on kids opening up pressies and blowing out candles because I’m too busy running around. Glad to hear that you’re a reformed perfectionist and there’s hope for me yet πŸ™‚

      Reply
  9. Lisa@RandomActsOfZen
    July 23, 2013 at 12:45 pm (4 years ago)

    Renee, which of these things resonates with me more? Do I try to be the perfect hostess, and stress about it all too much? YES! Do I hate not doing it all myself? YES! Have I eaten a whole pizza plus 2 glasses of wine? HELL YES!!
    Hun, we’re our own worst enemies sometimes, and I’m just glad that you let go a bit, and enjoyed the party. Your mum is a wise woman. And personally, I absolutely LOVE the Cheesecake Shop quiches πŸ™‚
    Take care of you xx

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 23, 2013 at 1:23 pm (4 years ago)

      Lol. Thank you, Lisa. You are adorable! xx

      Reply
  10. Me
    July 23, 2013 at 2:00 pm (4 years ago)

    I learned far too late that I didn’t have to be Super Woman – I really wish I learned it when K was a lot younger. But I have accepted my limitations and so for her 21st we bought lasagne from a restaurant, got cup cakes made as a birthday cake and got my SIL and K to make a salad as I’m totally useless at salads – turned out to be a great party and I didn’t stress nearly as much as if I had been doing the catering myself.
    Have the best day !
    Me

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 23, 2013 at 8:28 pm (4 years ago)

      Sounds like the perfect 21st to me. Hopefully if I start relaxing now, I might be okay by the time they turn 21 πŸ™‚

      Reply
  11. Nikki @ Wonderfully Women
    July 23, 2013 at 2:43 pm (4 years ago)

    So glad you enjoyed the party, that is what is all about. Definately know the feeling, coming from a family of caterers, people expect awesome food when they come to a party at our house. Thankfully I got the organise gene and after so much practice can pull off a party with relative ease, and sometimes I just hit the freezer section at the supermarket and put my effort into one or two super bits of yumminess. I am over stressing and racing around like an idiot when the house is invaded by guests. xx Nikki

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 23, 2013 at 8:29 pm (4 years ago)

      Oooh that is big pressure coming from a family of caterers. Such a good idea to focus on one or two great dishes tho πŸ™‚

      Reply
  12. EssentiallyJess
    July 23, 2013 at 3:24 pm (4 years ago)

    I’ve gone to a lot less effort with the kids birthday’s this year, and whilst part of me feels insanely guilty, the other part acknowledges they have all still had an awesome time. And that’s the point isn’t it?

    Reply
  13. Emily @ Have a laugh on me
    July 23, 2013 at 3:32 pm (4 years ago)

    Renee, you totally sound like me about a year ago before I learned to let things go, take help, slow down, and ask myself what is the worst thing that could happen!!! LOVE LOVE that you enjoyed the day, the vino sure helps! Thanks for sharing and glad this post had a happy ending, you deserve it! Em xx

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 23, 2013 at 8:30 pm (4 years ago)

      Thanks πŸ™‚ I definitely need to ask myself what is the worst that could happen. Maybe just me having a good time lolz x

      Reply
  14. Josefa @always Josefa
    July 23, 2013 at 5:25 pm (4 years ago)

    I am constantly hard on myself, for parties especially! I am slowly learning to “outsource” where I can. It helps ease the pressure and the expectation and I generally have a better time. Hope to see some pics of the Snow White cake x

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 23, 2013 at 8:31 pm (4 years ago)

      Yes, I think outsourcing is a must whether it be mum or the cheesecake shop πŸ™‚ Don’t know if I’m brave enough to show the cake πŸ™‚ We’ll see x

      Reply
  15. Dorothy
    July 24, 2013 at 10:37 am (4 years ago)

    Enjoying the party is much more important that being the hostess with the mostest. People come to see you and your family, not to judge your entertaining prowess. Glad you had a good day, despite the tears.

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 24, 2013 at 9:33 pm (4 years ago)

      Thanks Dorothy πŸ™‚

      Reply
  16. Jodi
    July 25, 2013 at 9:57 am (4 years ago)

    I do try to be the hostest with the mostest ALL THE TIME! It is such a stress. This year for Miss Z’s 3rd birthday, I went all out with the princess cake and rainbow cupcakes BUT we had it at a local hotel which had a function room, huge bistro area and two indoor play areas – it was fully themed as princess and pirates (none of which I had to do!).

    I woke up the morning of the party to no stress, just getting to the venue with the cake and the staff did the rest. It has been the first party I have organised which I was able to enjoy, speak to guests and not worry about the clean up afterwards. Master M turns 2 in October and I am outsourcing that one too (besides the cake of course – that is the fun bit!) x

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 25, 2013 at 1:07 pm (4 years ago)

      Outsourcing is such a great idea, Jodi. I love the idea of having it at a venue where there are people to set up and clean up afterwards. You’re a clever mummy! πŸ™‚

      Reply
  17. Seana - Sydney, Kids, Food + Travel
    July 25, 2013 at 4:06 pm (4 years ago)

    I’ve gone all out too far int he past and try not to… well, with parties… but then this week I have too much work on and it’s just silly… With guests though a few spare bags of chips can never go awry… what’s the work equivalent?

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 25, 2013 at 8:47 pm (4 years ago)

      Hmmm. Good question. A lot of people have suggested outsourcing with parties, maybe the same can be done with work? πŸ™‚

      Reply

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