The (nappy) bag lady

As my friend and I were guided to our table at one of Brisbane’s funkier restaurants recently, I felt a rush of excitement.

Night outs don’t happen often around these parts.

I was all dolled up and keen to see how the other half lives on a Friday night and, more importantly, to have a meal free of interrupting kids.

With our table at the back of the dimly lit restaurant within my sight, I shimmied through the last of the very closely placed tables ready to sit down and indulge in good food and good company.

It was then that I heard some glasses nearby clink and then dance in dangerous circles ready for an inevitable crash to the ground.

The restaurant once alive with chatter had become still waiting and watching to see if the glasses could be rescued before they came crashing down.

I spun around expecting to see a random drunk stumbling around knocking over drinks to the cries of ‘Taxi’. Instead, I discovered that this glass disaster was being caused by none other than yours truly.

The gigantic nappy bag I insist on carrying with me everywhere had all but obliterated the romantic table for two next to me.

While the agitated owner of the wine, water, and cocktail glasses (greedy much?) gave me a look as he rescued his drinks, I filled the air with close to one thousand apologies.

I sat down awkwardly turning fifty shades of red and placed the offending bag on the bench seat between me and the table I had inadvertently tried to destruct.

The woman looked at me and then at the bag and then back to me.

Her look said it all.

I too looked down at my humungous, yet much loved, nappy bag and wondered why I lugged it along with me on a night out with my friend. Surely a simple clutch would have been enough!

I didn’t need the four nappies in the bag, the nappy sacks, the wipes, or the flattened packet of sultanas, its contents scattered throughout the bottom of my bag. I didn’t need the rattle. I didn’t need the massive tub of rash cream. I didn’t need the pair of size 3-4 princess undies, Dora clips or hairbands.

And you know what?! I don’t even need all of that paraphernalia when I’m out and about with the kids.

I can never find anything in the bag anyway other than sticky sultanas. It’s like a black hole in there.

Plus, because I can never find anything in there, I usually take an additional bag out with meΒ  with all of that extra stuff I might need like snacks and books and oh God I need help.

I honest to God look like a homeless bag lady with the amount of junk I haul around on a daily basis.

Despite the fact the nappy bag is a black hole and probably weighs more than my 19-month-old, it is a danger to those around me.

If you thought knocking over a table of drinks was bad, then I won’t tell you about the time I accidentally gave Miss Three a black eye with it …

With the girls now three and 19-months-old, I can afford to travel a little lighter these days.

It is officially time to stop moonlighting as a bag lady and downsize. Big time.

I feel lighter already!

Do you haul a lot of junk around in your handbag or nappy bag?

I had so much fun last week that I’m linking up again today with Have a laugh on me, Five Frogs Blog, Melbourne Mum, Talking Frankly, Redcliffe Style and 26 years and counting for Laugh Link.

 

38 comments on The (nappy) bag lady

    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 2, 2014 at 9:32 pm (3 years ago)

      I’m going to be honest, Bec, it’s not going to be easy, but I’ve got to give it a try πŸ™‚

      Reply
  1. JodiGibson (@JFGibsonWriter)
    June 2, 2014 at 7:28 am (3 years ago)

    Oh no! Lol. I couldn’t wait to get rid of my nappy bag which did mean I was often unprepared when we went out. Yep, bad mummy moments! I still do manage to have sultanas scattered throughout my handbag though!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 2, 2014 at 9:33 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol, Jodi! Glad I’m not the only one πŸ™‚

      Reply
  2. Zanni Louise
    June 2, 2014 at 10:58 am (3 years ago)

    Oh no! Such a funny tale though and you tell it so well. I deliberately down-graded to the smallest handbag imaginable, yet still somehow end up with a nappy and other weird paraphernalia when going out kid-free (not that that happens much!) x

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 2, 2014 at 9:33 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol. Yep, I can’t wait to downsize now. It will be interesting to see how I cope πŸ™‚ x

      Reply
  3. Deborah
    June 2, 2014 at 11:38 am (3 years ago)

    No kids so I travel ultra-light. I don’t even like handbags. I actually use a small aztec-y print clutch bag which houses a tiny coin purse (which contains notes and coins) a small credit card holder and then my phone / sunglasses and keys if necessary.

    Not sure why the neighbouring table was so grumpy – they probably would have scored some free drinks if you’d decimated their table!

    Deb

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 2, 2014 at 9:35 pm (3 years ago)

      Wow. Love how light you travel. I remember the days when I used to go out with just my eftpos card in my pocket πŸ™‚

      Reply
  4. Me
    June 2, 2014 at 12:10 pm (3 years ago)

    I try not to have a big hand bag because it gets to heavy to carry with all the things that somehow end up in there – without even trying to !!!
    Hope you had a good evening anyway !
    Me

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 3, 2014 at 9:43 pm (3 years ago)

      Thanks Linda. I had a great time. And you’re right, I think I walk lopsided from being weighed down on one side all the time πŸ™‚

      Reply
  5. Erin
    June 2, 2014 at 12:46 pm (3 years ago)

    You always make me laugh. I toted a nappy bag about for years, well still do but changed the look. When I was pregnant with baby no 9 and 39 years of age, I decided I just couldn’t stomach toting teddy bears any longer. I’d been doing it for 18 years and I rebelled. Bought a real leather black bag, a decent size bag true but much smaller than the teddy bear bag. As you say we don’t half what we tote around. These days I whip out the door with a much smaller bag, a normal looking bag:) sure I still have a baby paraphernalia but no longer the kitchen sink

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 3, 2014 at 9:44 pm (3 years ago)

      Eighteen years is hardcore, Erin! I am always in awe of you!

      Reply
  6. Ness
    June 2, 2014 at 1:37 pm (3 years ago)

    IOh yes, I remember doing this! I always used to bump people with my nappy bag or with a pram. Even though I’m now past the nappy bag stage I still find random crap in my normal sized handbag. Toys, food, wrappers and always, without fail – Lego!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 2, 2014 at 9:35 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol. I haven’t yet found lego in the bottom of my bag, but give it time πŸ™‚

      Reply
  7. Sam Stone @ A Life on Venus
    June 2, 2014 at 2:36 pm (3 years ago)

    Totally carry all that stuff all the time! I am a “just in case”. Cause you never know what you are going to need!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 2, 2014 at 9:37 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol. Glad I’m not the only one, Sam. I feel like a girl guide. I’m always prepared πŸ™‚

      Reply
  8. Bec | Mumma Tells
    June 2, 2014 at 2:45 pm (3 years ago)

    I get this. I really do. Big bags hold so much stuff, don’t they? It’s really quite impressive. But you’re right. It’s just stuff, and often not even useful stuff because you can’t navigate your way through all the other stuff to find the stuff you were originally stuffing about trying to find. Gah! Maybe I should give a lighter load a go too. πŸ˜‰

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 2, 2014 at 9:37 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol! Glad you totally get me, Bec πŸ™‚

      Reply
  9. Vicki @ Knocked Up and Abroad
    June 2, 2014 at 3:52 pm (3 years ago)

    Bummer.

    I don’t like the sound of those judging eyes you got from that lady!! Back off!! Accidents happen!

    I often can’t be bothered lugging the nappy bag about anymore so often I now get caught out with nothing to help myself… no nappy, no wipes, no snacks because I forget that I would need to pack them in my more compact bag.

    I have been known to be so scared of the dark whole, and squashed sultanas in a well loved bag, that I’ve thrown it out instead of going through it and cleaning it….

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 2, 2014 at 9:38 pm (3 years ago)

      Hahahaha Vicki! I have done that too πŸ™‚

      Reply
  10. Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me
    June 2, 2014 at 8:48 pm (3 years ago)

    Oh lovely BEEN THERE! And it was about at your stage that I got myself into a small bag that takes drink bottles, nappies, wipes etc. There are smaller ones out there! Shout your gorgeous self one! I had to laugh though because that is something that I would do! Thanks for linking xx

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 2, 2014 at 9:39 pm (3 years ago)

      Thanks for having me! And for replying to my early morning message πŸ™‚ x

      Reply
  11. Janet aka Middle Aged Mama
    June 2, 2014 at 10:31 pm (3 years ago)

    My kids are 20 & 17 so I don’t have a big nappy bag anymore, but every time we go into a little shop with lots of ornaments, the hubster nags me to hold onto my bag – yes, I’m that dangerous!!!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 3, 2014 at 6:08 am (3 years ago)

      Hahaha, Janet. You sound just like me!!

      Reply
  12. Emma Fahy Davis
    June 3, 2014 at 12:58 am (3 years ago)

    Oh I am such a terrible handbag hoarder -mine is a black hole too! Altho I have downsized of late, all that means is that I have to compact the crap up even more to make it fit!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 3, 2014 at 6:08 am (3 years ago)

      Lol, I hear you, Emma. I bet I will do the exact same thing!!

      Reply
  13. Lauren @ Create Bake Make
    June 3, 2014 at 7:25 am (3 years ago)

    Oh I can feel your pain!! I will admit I own three large (nappy) bags. Only one is officially a nappy bag, the other two are just oversized. All contain a black hole where nappies, muesli bars, matchbox cars (and possibly my car keys which have now been missing for 4 weeks) disappear. I have tried to use a smaller bag, and if I’m with just one of the boys I can get away with it – just. It seems every time I have tried to downsize I am ALWAYS caught out and need the one thing that will be in my larger bag.

    PS. Don’t you just hate the judgey looks people in those kind of places often give you?!?!

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 3, 2014 at 9:33 pm (3 years ago)

      That will be my luck too, Lauren πŸ™‚ That’s no good about the car keys. Make sure you look in the lining of your bag. That’s where mine hid out for awhile πŸ™‚

      Reply
  14. Kylie Purtell
    June 3, 2014 at 3:00 pm (3 years ago)

    I live for the days when I can leave the house without the nappy bag! It’s so much fun and I do it every chance I get! In fact now that we are beyond the newborn stage and needing to change nappies and clothes every hour, I pretty much only take my handbag with me. I requested a new one for Christmas, one with two sides, so one side can be dedicated to a nappy for each of the girls, a pack of wipes and a ziplock bag of biscuits and a toy or two, while the other side is all mine! It’s not too big and not too small, and now, unless we are going out for a whole day I hardly ever take the nappy bag with me. I just can’t be bothered because the same near-misses happen to me (and I have knocked Punky over countless times with the damn thing too!).

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 3, 2014 at 9:45 pm (3 years ago)

      Glad to know I’m not the only one who knocks over my kids with a bag!! That new handbag of yours sounds perfect. I will have to look out for one just like it.

      Reply
  15. SarahD @SnippetsandSpirits
    June 5, 2014 at 10:25 pm (3 years ago)

    Hilarious ! I am also a bit of a kitchen sink hole bag lady. Just in case you know ………

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 6, 2014 at 12:37 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol. Glad to know I’m not the only one. I think there’s just a few of us out there πŸ™‚

      Reply
  16. Sonia Life Love Hiccups
    June 9, 2014 at 5:14 pm (3 years ago)

    haha oh you poor thing – I laugh but that was once me. I have now finally graduated to a clutch. Your time will come chick xx

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 9, 2014 at 10:04 pm (3 years ago)

      I can’t wait, Sonia! I can’t wait xx

      Reply
  17. Sam | Procrastinations of a Crafty Mum
    June 24, 2014 at 10:23 pm (3 years ago)

    Love it! Glad I’m not the only klutz out there! I never did take to a ‘nappy bag’. I instead had the nappy stroller – I had so much stuff in that basket, a friend remarked I could rival Mary Poppins. And once the kids stopped needing their ‘wheels’, voila – it was gone. Painless. Thank goodness.

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      June 24, 2014 at 10:37 pm (3 years ago)

      Ahh yes, I’ve seen those mums! You can sure fit alot into strollers πŸ™‚

      Reply
  18. Lydia C. Lee
    July 1, 2014 at 1:12 pm (3 years ago)

    I fill up handbags so I get smaller and smaller ones and then I forget my issue and get a big one and it’s full within days and heavy and I remember I’m meant to use smaller ones to stop this…but occasionally I have just the weird thing in the bag that means I can impress everyone when I whip it out in an emergency….

    Reply
    • mummywifeme
      mummywifeme
      July 1, 2014 at 9:15 pm (3 years ago)

      Lol Lydia. You sound like a regular Mary Poppins carrying a big carpet bag full of tricks πŸ™‚

      Reply

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