This is one of a handful of mantras I wrote down at the end of 2012 to help guide me through 2013.
I have to say, ‘Be true to myself’ has been a surprisingly tricky one for me to follow.
I’ve found that it’s one thing to say, ‘Okay Renee, go off and be true to yourself,’ but another to actually do it.
To be true to myself, I have to know who I am and I just don’t completely feel that I know who I am yet. I know that is kind of a bizarre thing for a 36-year-old to say, but it’s true.
People like my husband, Dave, are effortlessly true to themselves. Dave is confident in his beliefs and in himself. He is his own man and runs his own race.
I don’t find it as easy. I feel that I have spent a large portion of my life doing things to please others and to live up to their expectations. I’ve let people talk me into doing things that I was never really sure were right for me. As a result, I’ve made some life choices that weren’t my choices at all. I have always spent too much time worrying about hurting people’s feelings and not being who THEY want me to be. I have my own opinions and my own thoughts, but I’ve often been too afraid to make them heard.
I sometimes wonder if I did have the courage in the past to speak my mind and be true to myself then where would I be now?
I’m not saying I’m not happy with the life I’ve led to this day. It’s just that I have recognised recently that what I’ve been doing in the past is not right for me anymore and continuing on this path would not be healthy for me.
A few months ago, on that day watching Melrose, I realised I had hit rock bottom. I was living a zombie-like existence. I was lost, unfulfilled and unhappy, although I had everything I could ever wish for.
This feeling of hitting rock bottom forced me to switch off the TV, put down the chocolate bar and think, like really think, about me and my happiness, about this mantra.
How often do we afford ourselves the luxury of stepping back from all the chaos within our lives to reflect on who we are, what we’re doing, and what we want from life?
We so often get caught up in the mundane that we become robots doing the same old, same old for no reason other than we do it because that’s what we’ve always done. It’s safe. It’s familiar. It will do.
It is only now, six months after I wrote down that mantra, that I feel like I may actually be starting to be true to myself.
Becoming a blogger has allowed me to look deep within myself and think about what it is I want from life, what my passions are, who I want to be and what I want to do.
Being true to myself is not going to be an easy road as old habits die hard. I am determined though to be as courageous as I can, be proud of my individuality, respect myself and be responsible.
You should try it too. You will be surprised how good it feels.
When was the last time you sat down and thought about what YOU want out of YOUR life? Are you being true to yourself?