I reached a new level of crazy last week.
Like an old Eminem song, my palms were sweaty, my knees were weak, my arms were heavy. I was just NOT myself.
And there was no reason not to be myself because I’d just come back from a girls weekend away to Melbourne.
My cup was full. I had spent quality time with one of my favourite people in the world. I drank in the beauty of the rugged Victorian coastline and excitedly crossed the Great Ocean Road off my bucket list. I drooled over stunning frocks at the National Gallery of Victoria’s Dior Exhibition and basically had a very relaxing and totally awesome time.
Why the sudden change? Well … when I went to the pharmacy to restock my HRT medication I use to manage my premature menopause, I was told it was out of stock until mid-November. That’s right – two months from now.
Cue internal screaming. Deep breaths. A bit more internal screaming. A few more deep breaths.
I’ve been in this position before and it’s not a nice position to be in. Don’t get me wrong, I know that not having my medication isn’t life threatening and that there are people in far, far, far, far worse situations than me. But last week, knowing that my medication was not available, and would not be available for some time, put me on edge. Seriously on edge.
I traveled a long road to be diagnosed with premature menopause and another long road to find medication that would ease my symptoms and protect my heart and bones from the effects of going through menopause 12 years earlier than the average woman.
I feared what would happen to me if I didn’t take my medication. I had been feeling so good about menopause and so in control. It didn’t take much to send my world off-kilter.
It took until Friday for a script for alternative medication to arrive. All the while, my emotions were growing wilder by day, my hands and feet glistened with sweat at inopportune times, and I was knocked for a six with a migraine.
When the pharmacist told me she had to order in my replacement medication, I had no fight left in me. I went home and cuddled up on the couch trying to kick my migraine and reign in my emotions.
The next day I woke up feeling fresher. I was determined not to let this get on top of me. Who knows whether I was really feeling the effects of no medication or whether it was psychological? Either way – I was determined not to wallow.
The family and I set off on a road trip to Toowoomba for the Carnival of Flowers. We stayed with our dear friends and had an uber-relaxing weekend. I couldn’t have asked for any better medicine than that. Again I came out of the weekend with my cup full feeling grateful to have such special people in my life.
This week, I made a pledge to myself to take one day at a time. I am just three days into my new medication. I have put the fact that it costs an absolute FORTUNE into the back of my mind and am attempting to focus on positive thoughts. I’m keeping life slow, easy and trying to make the most of the school holidays for the kids.
I’m not really sure why I felt compelled to write this post tonight. It kind of feels super indulgent.
I found myself reflecting on how you can think you have everything under control one minute, and before you know it, it slips out of your grasp and starts unraveling. When that happens, I take it as a sign to listen to my body and my heart, and take a step back. It seems to be working so far.
Are you good at listening to your body? How has life been treating you lately?
Side note: Thank you to my mum, sister, sister-in-law and friend, who put up with the crazy last week. A thousand apologies.