‘Yep, those ovaries look like they’ve shut up shop,’ my gyno said to me matter-of-factly as she popped her head up from between my legs and snapped off her rubber glove.
It was a weird laugh – a kind of deranged, maniacal laugh that didn’t sound like me.
My gyno was attempting to lighten the mood and I tried to go with the flow and act nonchalant, but in reality I was freaking out in a big way.
Fifteen minutes earlier, I had entered her office for the first time armed with a referral and blood results. I’d had only one period in more than 12 months and my doctor suggested it was time we figured out what was going on.
Whispers of premature menopause had been thrown around over the past months and I did have a number of symptoms, but my doctor kept reassuring me that I was too young for menopause.
As I entered the gyno’s office yesterday though, I knew deep down what was wrong with me, I just hadn’t been ready to admit it until now.
Within seconds of me sitting down, she analysed my results and confidently, if not abruptly, declared that I was going through premature menopause and was almost, if not already, post menopausal.
Her words punched me square in the stomach. Premature menopause? Almost post menopausal? What, why, how?
There was no breaking it to me gently. These were the facts and she was delivering them to me.
I am 38 years old and I am going through menopause.
The next 45 minutes were a blur. I tried to take in as much information as I could, all the while I was digging my fingernails into my arm to keep my mind off the tears in my eyes that were threatening to spill over and drown me.
I returned to work after my appointment, but couldn’t face it or anyone. I was desperate to get home and digest the information I’d just been told and deal with it in the best way I could.
For me, this meant eating my weight in Nutella, while I cried over Ellen Degeneres giving some poor people gifts.
After my cry, I read the info the gyno gave me from front to back and back again – and highlighted it.
I have experienced nearly all of the symptoms I read about and I realised that there have been clues along the way for years, even back to when we did IVF more than five years ago.
I’ve been trying to wrap my head around why I’ve been so emotional in finding out that I’m going through menopause at 38. I think it’s largely because I hadn’t completely convinced myself that I didn’t want any more kids and because I now feel old before my time.
‘Poor old, Naisy. She was a looker in her day. Look at her now, the poor old bat, her little body is shriveling up before our eyes.’
Dramatic, yes. But hey, I’m going through menopause. I’m allowed to be, right?
I joked to my friend yesterday that perhaps when I start my hormone replacement therapy I will be less of a cranky bitch. One can only hope.
Seriously though, now that I’ve taken in the information, I must admit there is some relief.
Relief that I wasn’t imagining hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, irritability and many more delightful things. They were real and now we’re going to fix them.
The next step for me is to go on hormone replacement therapy. As I’m going through menopause 12 or more years earlier than the average woman, I am at greater risk of bone damage and heart disease.
Anyway, as Dave says in the only way he can – it is what it is.
I’ve had my cry and now it’s time to move on. I’m ready to tackle this head on and hopefully start to feel more like me very soon.
One thing I did do last night was hug my girls a little tighter. I’m so blessed to have those little darlings. Many women are not as fortunate as me.
Did you know that premature menopause is a lot more common than you think with about 1 in 100 women being affected? I’ve found a great resource on premature menopause if you’d like to have read.
Do you know anyone who has gone through premature menopause? Have you been through menopause? How did you cope? Are you feeling like a cranky bitch at the moment too?
Linking up today with Essentially Jess.