Right up until the moment our obstetrician handed our newborn baby girl to me, I felt certain she was going to be a boy.
A boy named Finn.
A couple of years before we even thought about having kids, I’d heard the name and started crushing on it in a big way. I began to day dream about having a little boy named Finn. I’d think about holding him for the first time, what he would look like, and what sort of person he would become.
When we eventually fell pregnant, we decided not to find out the sex. For some reason though, everyone seemed to think I was having a boy. Having two psychics predict I was having a boy only fuelled the fire and people even started buying blue clothes.
I definitely had moments throughout my first pregnancy when I thought I may be having a girl. (The obstetrician calling it a little chick during a routine exam should have been a dead giveaway). These moments were often short lived though as I couldn’t shake Finn from my mind. The name seemed familiar and meant to be.
Unlike me, Dave didn’t seem to have any attachment to the name at all. In fact, he was far from keen on it. I had to work incredibly hard to sell the name to him finally wearing him down just days before our first was born.
On that warm Winter’s night when my waters broke, I couldn’t contain my excitement. It was time to meet Finn. You can imagine the look of surprise on my face when I was handed our precious darling of a little girl.
We were overjoyed. We hugged and kissed and cried together. A girl! A girl! She was the apple of our eye and for a while Finn was forgotten.
Pregnant the second time around, I was sure that now it was Finn’s turn. He was now ready to come into our lives.
On that sunshiny morning when we walked into the hospital to be induced we couldn’t wait to meet our little boy … or girl.
When we were handed our second precious darling of a daughter we once again shared tears of joy. Another girl. We were truly blessed. And again for awhile, Finn was forgotten.
When Smiley turned one late last year, I began to yearn for another baby, for Finn.
We have since decided that our life is next to perfect with our two beautiful daughters and we will not have any more kids.
This doesn’t stop me thinking about Finn though. The name appears in my head at the most random of times. Will someone named Finn enter my life at some stage and have some kind of major impact on me? Have we been connected in a past life?
It is difficult to explain this unusual feeling I have about Finn. I feel such a strong connection to that name that it leaves me wondering, can you miss someone you’ve never met?
Have you ever had this feeling, or am I sounding like a total nut job?
Linking up today with the very sunny Zanni from My little sunshine house writing to the prompt – In a name.