It wasn’t a spur of the moment thought. It was something that had been simmering away in the back of my mind for a while.
As I boarded the plane for our trip to New Zealand recently, I was pretty much convinced that it was time for us to part ways.
This wasn’t a decision I wanted to take lightly though, so I promised myself I would think long and hard about it while I was away.
And that I did.
Every opportunity I had, I looked to the mountains surrounding me for answers.
Over the last year, I have given my all to this blog (as much as a working mum of two under four can). It has been my love, my obsession, my life. I have lived and breathed it. I have stayed up into the wee hours carefully crafting posts telling my concerned husband that I can sleep when I’m dead. The blog was taking over my life. I hadn’t quite gotten the balance right.
Then there was the suffocating feeling I couldn’t ignore from the ridiculously high expectations that I placed on myself. With my one year blogaversary coming up, I reviewed the goals I had laid out in the communications strategy and business plan I created when I started this blog and became disappointed in myself. I focused on what I hadn’t achieved and lost sight of everything that I had achieved and gained from this blog.
Somewhere along the line I also became caught up with keeping up with the Joneses. I witnessed other bloggers coming up with brilliant ideas and becoming a huge success. While I cheered them on ridiculously happy for and proud of them, I couldn’t help feel as though I was being left behind.
These feelings and thoughts were all consuming and making me unhappy.
When I looked to the mountains one day, I had an epiphany. (Although Dave will tell you he’s been saying this to me for months now 😉 ) I realised that I had forgotten why I started blogging.
I started blogging because I needed something for me. This blog was my gift to me. A form of therapy. I wanted to create something that would strike a chord with readers and provide parents who also felt like they had lost their identity something to relate to.
I have realised that what makes me happiest (besides Dave and the girls) is writing and connecting with people. I love baring my soul and having readers comment on my posts and email me telling me they can relate.
I have formed some amazing online friendships over the last year. I have become invested in other people’s lives and they have become invested in mine.
Plus, how could I forget my obsession with words? Throughout the day words dance in my mind until they form beautiful phrases which I jot down on pieces of paper that I leave scattered throughout the house.
It turns out that all I needed was a little time out. Some much needed screen free time has cleared my head and given me renewed energy. I am now feeling as excited about my blog as I was in the early days.
Three things became clear to me while I was away.
Breaking up with my blog was absolute crazy talk.
I must not forget the reasons I started this blog.
I must acknowledge that while I desperately want to be a writer/blogger for a living, I need to be patient. The timing is not right for me to forge the career that I desire just yet, but my time will come.
So, you will be pleased to know that I am here to stay.
Today, I celebrate my one year blogaversary.
Thank you to each and every one of you for your support. I read and cherish every single one of your comments. They mean the world to me, as do the friendships that I have formed online.