Last week sucked in an epic kind of way.
That’s sounds a little dramatic, doesn’t it?
Let me rephrase. Last week was hard … and strange … and exhausting all mixed together. It was one of those weeks where you’re feeling all the feels and you’re just clinging on for dear life because you think if one more sucky thing happens you’ll just completely lose it and end up on the floor in a ball. The straw that breaks the camel’s back and all that.
I really don’t want to be dramatic because my life is good. It is really good. And I have friends who are going through unbearable pain at the moment and I don’t want to take away from that.
It was simply a week that threw some curve balls at me when I was already feeling exhausted from taking on too much.
After just four hours’ sleep on Wednesday night, I resigned from my second job. (Yes, I know. I am completely nuts. For some reason I thought I could hold down two jobs, two kids, one husband, a blog and a Jamberry business. No wonder I’m exhausted.)
The decision to resign came less than a day after I was telling a friend how much I love the job. And then something happened which flicked a switch inside me and I was out. I said goodbye to the job and to that dream.
As I battled with my decision in the days following, I watched as my wee girl, Smiley, became sicker and sicker. She’d been vomiting since Wednesday night – hence me having just four hours’ sleep.
When her poor little body wasn’t shaking, she was lying on the floor moaning. It was a battle to get her to take in any fluids and when she did they came back up.
As I looked into her sunken eyes on Saturday morning and held her limp body in my arms, I knew she needed more care than I could give her.
I sped off to the hospital where I was told her chemistry results were not good and she needed to have some fluids and stay overnight.
I surprised myself with how calm I was in hospital.
I brushed her hair back and sang to her as the doctor fumbled to insert the cannula into her tiny hand and then her arm. I soothed her as she moaned in pain and cradled her in my arms until she fell asleep on my chest.
As she slept on my chest, I reached for my lifeline – my phone. The shit of a thing that I’m so addicted to and spend so much time on. I keyed in my passcode and the phone flickered and died. I was cut off.
There I was alone with my thoughts, trapped with nowhere to go.
You know what?
While last week sucked, it was also kind of awesome. It was awesome because somehow in between the ups and downs of emotions I experienced, I was able to get some clarity.
While my poor sick girl lay on my chest, I was able to take some deep breaths, calm down, and remind myself that I’ve got this.
I recognised that pushing myself to the extreme day in and day out wasn’t doing myself or my family any favours. (By pushing myself to the extreme, I mean working more hours in the day than I was actually sleeping.) I’d worked myself into such a frenetic state that even the smallest of things were impacting me in a major way.
I’ve resolved to take the next few months as slowly as I can. My health and my family’s health and wellbeing are the most important things to me. Somehow I lost sight of that for a little while, but I’m back with a new focus and am working on regaining my lost energy too.
It’s time to be kind to me and to trust in myself.
(Just a quick word of thanks to my friends/family who were by my side last week. Particular shout outs go to the friend who doesn’t mind a bit of swearing and to my mum who puts up with my crankiness).
Are you being kind to you? How are you going at the moment? Are you feeling happy, sad, crazy – all of the above. What’s on your mind?
Linking up today with Essentially Jess for IBOT.